She could see nothing but darkness now. Opening those eyes wide so that the thin cold air cools his buring eyes. Not that one tear has fell but she has cried enough. This journey would be a long one but it wants to be cut short- by her, unable to stop from going on that road she tries and tells herself not to walk on it aimlessless or rather with an aim that is unwanted. The daylight has to creep in, the morning breeze wants to blow on the face and the warm sun shines on her skin; but i walk towards the darkness.
Perhaps one day, she would see the path more clear. Standing in the sandy waters of the beach today, the sun bakes over as she feels the cold water kiss her feet. The sea is so huge it always encompassed everybody, every wish, every joy and every sorrow. This misery wants to end but is there a way out? There has to be one, she tells herself and if there isnt, she wants him to feel it. Time is the vessel which you never see when full, its only when it emptys, you realise what you have lost. The only fear she has is if she may drift away way too much that it is impossible for her to come back for anyone; even herself. The fear overpowers her to step ahead or move behind. She just realised, she was officially in a limbo- that was no where.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Tonight is a sad night. There may not be tears falling nor the women wailing but even the spirits fall silent in the gloominess around. She wasn't alone tonight but had so many people around that she would never think of being alone. Classical music wasn't her forte but tonight she felt strangely close to it. So on a borrowed laptop she plugs in these huge white headphone lying unwanted on that desk far away and slowly closed her eyes as those sitar strings sent vibrations into her head and the emotions simmered. She smiled secretly. All of people she always made sure felt wanted, cared and special were no where to be found. Their leftovers in life lay all across- a stark reminder of tomorrow that would be yesterday. Getting hurt wasn't a new thing for her but left alone was. Getting up with the look of disbelief on her face she moved towards the empty building and saw a dark corner with a carpeted floor. Good Lord the darkness wasn't as bad, at least no one could see you in there but you. A voice called from somewhere but it wasn't what she hoped it would be but someone wanted an errand. She got up slid out and did so in her face half hid in the subtle lighting. Falling back into her secret darkness and closeing her eyes secretly smiling to herself- not that she was happy but of helplessness and an artificial sense of content. Who was she fooling? One thing that she knew very well was that the night was anything but over. It said 3 43 AM in the digital watch she was wearing on her right wrist. The time never stopped but tonight it would lazy around as a pretty soul cried with a smile on its face, almost if all the breaths she took would be as heavy as her last one. She lied in gloom with the music blaring loud into her ears. A smile rolled up as her thin lips moved to complete the fooling smile. Tonight she questioned a lot to herself and got the answers to; they made so much more sense with the heart all submissive. Hidden under the veil of a false grin, which she would be wearing in the morning when she was with her 'friends', the people who promised to be there all the time but tonight when she really wanted them. Little did they knew that she had felt the breeze of betrayal hard on her soft skin of the inner most part of her soul as the pale softness turned red and rough.